hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
