I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
