Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
