if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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