I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
