even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
