omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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