I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
