We need to rekindle our bromance
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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