My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize