In the future we'll all be gay
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My feet surprised me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
