Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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