i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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