Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
