You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
