one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
organizing the empties. That sober.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
