We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
