He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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