I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize