Jerry, you need to find god
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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