btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
