I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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