The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
