I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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