This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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