My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
