She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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