I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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