what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
