Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
