The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
