I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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