well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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