Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
