Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
