I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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