I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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