is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just blew my weed a kiss
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize