You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
