I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
