Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
