This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
do nipples grow back?
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