I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
