either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
