I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
