I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
