have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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