so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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