we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
