also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
