my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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