His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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