your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
