I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
