Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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