Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Got a toothbrush?

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(509): View more from Washington

Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.

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(310): View more from California

based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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(785): View more from Kansas

My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?

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(616): View more from Michigan

whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

(231): View more from Michigan

i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs

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(503): View more from Oregon

I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.

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