To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
