And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
