Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
