I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize