i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
