I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
