i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize