one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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