I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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