I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
