too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
