Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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