Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize