Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
