The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
