I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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