Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
