You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
