I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
