Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sext me about skeletons
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
