omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
