I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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