hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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