so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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