We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
