There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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