you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
