whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
