how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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