Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
