I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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