I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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