Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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