I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize