I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
