My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
