I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize