If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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