We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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