I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize