I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
