For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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