Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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