trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
