yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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