Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
