nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
