dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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