dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
