I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
