I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
