Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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